This quote and Adobe Creative Suite.

Maybe the quote of the year.  

Not Laura Ingraham's Voice.

If you've heard her, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Buttons, Part 2 of 2

Went to the Dry Cleaners today.  I handed the lady my pink ticket, and she retrieved my jacket. And wouldn't you know it, all of the original seven buttons were on the jacket.

At first I was very happy, and then I felt really really mad.

I leaned over the counter, and whispered, "Hey, you think I'm an idiot?"

The lady, "What?"

"I know you think I'm an idiot, or else you wouldn't have tried stealing my buttons."

"We not steal..."

"Well, I'm not an idiot. I went to college and I read books. And I appreciate wearing tailored jackets with fine buttons."

"Okay."

"Yeah, it's more than okay. It's great. I'm great. And you are not."

I decided I needed to cool off, so I glanced away from her and looked over to the cash register, where I saw a picture of a very pretty Asian woman.

"Who's that?" I said.

"My daughter."

"What's her story?"

"She's in medical school at University of Wisconsin."

"Ah yes, Golden Gophers."

"Ah, yes."

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I started tearing up.

"Listen," I said, "I know you're just trying to make a living and put your daughter through med school. Maybe I overreacted a little bit."

I proceeded to rip all of the buttons off my jacket, while she looked on in disbelief. I reached out my button-filled hand to the lady.

"Here. I hope these pay for your daughters medical school."

She fell to her knees and thanked me. By this time we both had tears in our eyes, and the line of people waiting to get their dry cleaning is out the door.

"You know," I said while smiling, fighting back tears. "I think this jacket may need a few buttons."

This made all of the patrons laugh. I plopped the coat down on the counter, she handed me the pink ticket, and we looked at each other for a moment. A cheery patron yelled out,

 "Hey, why don't you kiss her?"

We both looked at the patron, looked at each other and french kissed. Everyone applauded, people were calling their loved ones to tell them they loved them. Everybody was joyous.

As I made my way to the exit, people were shaking my hand and hugging me. I turned around to the lady.

"Hey! When can I see you again?"

"Wednesday," she said.

"Wednesday?"

"Yes, Wednesday....After 5."

(Everything is true except for the dialogue. I got my buttons back, bitches.)

How about a dry cleaners that doesn't try to steal your buttons. Part 1 of 2

The Brown Elephant thrift store is right near my house.

Last Saturday, while heading to Jewel, I stopped in The B.E. to see if they had anything.

I saw this vintage blue jacket that I really liked. It fit me a little weird though. The arms were too short.

After trying it on two separate times, I talked myself into buying it, and made my way to the corner Dry Cleaners to get the arms taken down.

.

.

.

TIMEOUT: This jacket has gold-colored buttons. It's a three-button front with two buttons on each cuff. I KNOW this jacket had all seven buttons. If it didn't I may have put it back since it would need tailoring AND another set of buttons. You with me? Seven buttons.

.

.

.

.

.

TIME IN: I walk into the dry cleaners today. A cinnamon candle was burning; it smelled wonderful.  I presented the pink piece of paper and she(same lady) presented the jacket. The arm-length was perfect! A little long but that's how I like it.

Then the buttons. They were blue. Not just that, but the two gold buttons on each cuff were replaced by one blue button OF THE SAME SIZE AS THE THREE IN THE FRONT.

I kindly asked, "what happened to the buttons?"

And she said, "Oh, some were missing. We replace with those, no charge."

Me, "Where are the buttons?"

Her, "Let me see if I find them."

She goes in the back. I think to myself, well, maybe a button dropped in the block from the Brown Elephant to here. But how could it? The jacket was in a bag the whole time.

She comes back. "See, there are only four." She shows me two big ones (from front), and two smaller ones (from the cuff). For a total of four.

"There were two on each cuff. You mean, this jacket was missing three buttons?"

"Oh! Lemme check again."

She comes back with two smaller ones. So now we're missing one big one.

Conclusion: I tell her as kindly as possible that I know I had three buttons on that jacket. I tried the jacket on multiple times at the Brown Elephant, which is literally right across the street. I take the pink slip back, give her the jacket back, and ask her to find that button.

A few Questions and Answers for clarification:

Q: Eric, why do you care so much about the buttons.

A: Good Question. Buttons are very important on certain items of clothing. I bought a blue jacket with gold buttons. That's different than blue/blue.

Q: Eric, why don't you appreciate the cleaners giving you free buttons.

A: I would, if that's what I'd asked for. 

Q: Eric, does it bother you the lady presented you four buttons, then six buttons.

A: Yes it bothers me very much.

Q: Does it bother you that the Cleaners was willing to keep the gold buttons?

A: Yes.

Q: Are you offended that they replaced two small cuff buttons with one big button?

A: Yeah, they 

probably think I'm some douche bag who bought his first jacket ever.

Q: Could they have honestly lost the button, and you're just blowing this out of proportion?

A: Maybe. BUT, all I asked for was for the arms to be lengthened.  Why would you take off six buttons, sew on five? It would take less time to call me (they have my number), and ask me if I want this done. Also, what if I took the jacket in completely aware of the button count? What if I knew it was missing a button? Wouldn't it make sense to ask my permission?

To be continued.......  

Uh, Shepard Smith of Fox News.

I like Shepard Smith of Fox News. Watch these videos and so will you.

To know that even Miles Davis can be lame.

I love Miles Davis. Kind of Blue is still one of my favorite albums.

If you don't know much about Davis, he changed the face of Jazz music multiple times. He introduced modal jazz (Kind of Blue), and fusion (In a Silent Way, Bitches Brew), among many other variations.  But this isn't a posting on jazz history.

I was reading Miles Davis' Wikipedia and discovered something new: 

In 1975, Davis stopped performing, practicing all together. Davis started sitting on his couch everyday, watching TV, and doing drugs. 

This lasted about four years.

Picture it: Miles Davis watching TV for hours on end. The coolest guy in any room he's ever been in (sorry Coltrane), and he's now a couch potato. 

What was  he watching in primetime? See for yourself.

It's kind of pathetic to think that guy who recorded Birth of the Cool is now following the story arc of Maude. Davis, who as a young trumpeter, tracked down Charlie Parker just so he could play with him, was now tracking down the next Columbo installment. 

Miles Davis during this time was lame.

It's a sad time, but I liked hearing this about Miles Davis. 

For one thing, I have finally found something I could relate to with Miles Davis. (If Davis were alive today, we could have a conversation about the Ted Baxter character in Mary Tyler Moore, for example.)

Secondly, drugs are bad, ultimately kill creativity (already knew this).

Lastly, it reinforced in me the importance of NOW as a creative.  What are you doing now? What are you pushing now? How are you challenging yourself now?

I don't want to judge Davis too harshly. He probably needed some rest after 30+ years of recording/performing, and I'm sure drugs played a major part. Also, we are talking about a small segment in a very productive life.

But,

as a creative, you are judged (by yourself and your peers), on what you are doing right now. Miles Davis could've hung all of his Gold Records/awards/pictures all around his TV, but at some point he probably looked at himself and said, "Hey! I just watch TV and do drugs."

There are times in your life where you probably felt lame, and other times you felt like a rock star. Doesn't matter. What are you doing now?

Someone once asked David Sedaris when he became a writer. He said,

"I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day."

 

What you do right now, is who you are.

Getting Broactive.

Miss your buddies? 

Wondering why you haven't hung out with them in a while? 

Are you thinking, "Why don't we do anything anymore?"

Well, it's time to stop bitching, pick up the phone and get 'Broactive.'